I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
