Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
