grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
