i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
