dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
