Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
