letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
