Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
