god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
