my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
