Even the bartender felt bad for me
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize