I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
