pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
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Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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