Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
