I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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