remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
A+ Viking dick
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
