Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
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It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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