So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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