also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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