So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
