I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
