I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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