I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
