no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
