My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
