i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
