??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
