The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
