This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We smell like vodka and hangover
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