Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
