I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
