I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
