I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You've changed since you got that strap on
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