Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
