Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
