I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
