i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
