I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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