If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
