Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
