It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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