Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
