Well apparently he's into motor boating.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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