How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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