Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Randomize
