i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
