So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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