i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
