My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
