I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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