So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
