I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
