Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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