so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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