So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
