true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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