i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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