I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
