she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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