If that was your dad, he is hot
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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