If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
