She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
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I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
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This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
where are my eyebrows?
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