ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
