dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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