I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
