just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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