don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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